The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
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