You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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