This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
