I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
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