12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
