she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Randomize
