dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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