its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Randomize
