Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Randomize
