just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
My vagina is officially offended.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
