Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
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