I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
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He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
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I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
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