Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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