went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
