She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
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