On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
