My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
Randomize
