i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Randomize
