once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
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