shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
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Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
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Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
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