we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
I need to stop coming to work sober
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
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