Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Randomize
