does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Randomize
