apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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