I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
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