Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
