just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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