its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Randomize
