i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
