Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
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