Please, let me fuck your mom
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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