office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
Barsexuality is the new black.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Randomize
