you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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