Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
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