what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Randomize
