I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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