i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Randomize
