Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
im drinking this country out of the recession.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
