i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
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