I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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