You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
Randomize
