Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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