And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Randomize
