Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize
