they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
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