He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
