I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Randomize
