I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
where are you?
Hypothermia
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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