the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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