He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
