I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Randomize
