You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
