Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
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