I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Randomize
