How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
My bed smells like the plague
Randomize
