You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Randomize
