would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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