We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
