You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
