shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Randomize
