My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
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