a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Randomize
