My hand turned me down
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Randomize