In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Randomize
