remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Randomize
