Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
