how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
