I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
