I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
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