Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
