I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
