I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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