Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Randomize
