Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Randomize
