Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Randomize
