i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize