I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Randomize
