what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
