I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Dick very happy bro
Randomize
